Remember about my crush I told you about few months ago? Well, the stories doesn’t happen like I hope it was, but it is still surprise me. Let me tell you what happen after I write that post and decided to stop….
Few days after I completed my post, I convinced myself that the story between me and him is done, I went to that coffee shop again. He wasn’t there, so I thought this will be the end of story. Maybe he’s not even working there, because like I said, I come there often and I barely see him. So, I came there to finish the story and let the feelings go. Until…
Before I tell you the whole story, let me get some things straight, yes, I have a crush on this guy. And yes, I like him so much. Yes, I wasted weeks or couple months to do stupid things only to see him. Yes, I made a fool of myself by coming there every day. But I didn’t make any move on him because I’m not sure what to do with my feelings. It’s not like he shows me signs that he’s interested in me or reciprocated my feelings. I didn’t even sure if I want him to be my boyfriend or have relationship with him. He’s not even look like he’s like me! Other barista has been nicer to me once they notice I’m a regular, but not him. So yeah, I decided not to do anything about it. Until he does something soo questionable to me.
Even though I said I’m done with him, it doesn’t mean I stop coming there. This coffee shop maybe the priciest in town, but it’s near my house and they’ve got the best view. Friendly barista and comfortable place became plus for me. It is my favorite place. I feel safe there. I sit there and cried every time I got my heart broken, or need some alone time. I come there when I need to make my report or writing for my blog. I don’t want to give that up. Or that’s what I thought.
Few days after I wrote that post, I came there as nothing happened. It is true in some way, nothing happened between me and him. No talks, no exchanging number, no personal questions, just couple of glances, exchanging smiles and exchanging thanks. That’s all. It is nothing.
Then he start showing up again.
It turns out he went out for holiday in bali (please don’t ask me how I know that), and for quite some time I didn’t go there. When I showed up at some Saturday, with my friend, I did the most stupid ridiculous thing I ever do. My friend has been nagging about me talked about him for the past few months and said that when we go there and she see him, she’s going to ask him whether or not he likes me. I laughed when she said that and said, “it’s been days since I saw him there. He’s probably move or something. I never see him before this anyway.”
We made the bet and going there.
And there he is.
As I walk toward to get in line, my friend walk toward the bar and stood in front of him, who were busy making drinks. I felt my heart drop and got nervous, before I know it I walked out the lines and guide my friend to empty chair. We argue a little and laughed so hard because it’s so obvious and funny. When I’m back to bar, I saw he was laughing so hard and I feel embarrassed. So, I canceled my plan to be there all night and come home with my friend. When he saw me walk out with my friend, he dropped some glasses and some bottles. One of bottle’s lid come near my feet and my friend told me to pick it up and give it to him but I feel somehow embarrassed and a little angry because he laughed at me, so I just walked away.
She said he dropped those because he surprised to see me leave that early and I don’t want to believe it. She put thoughts in my head and I tried to shake it off. But next time I went there, things started happening like, out of control.
He sees me walked and he hold the door for me even though I still so far away and he has to wait. He started to ask questions if he saw me talking to others, about what I wanted. What did I say? I overheard him couple of times and I think it’s so absurd and maybe I heard it wrong. I tried to flash him a smile but he doesn’t return it. Next time I went there, he flashed me big smile and sweet thanks. Once, I sit with my back on the bar, so I can’t see him, he’s going around so often in front of me, I start feeling like I only imagined it. But he still doing it next time I go there and sit outside, when I was busy reading.
Those acts and the thoughts my friends put in my head became like a drugs. I start to googled him. Stalked him on socmed but it turns out he doesn’t have any. I went there more often. I even tempted to put marks on my calendar so I know what he’s schedule is. I knew I’m screwed when I can’t shake off the question: if he likes me that much too, why he’s not asking for my number?
I was going there once for promo buy one get one and he can’t stop going around and look at my table. Maybe it’s just coincidence or maybe he wants to know who I was going with because I usually come there alone. Maybe… I still don’t know why he hasn’t make move on me.
I become obsessed.
I need to see him. I want to see him. I want to know more about him. What's he likes and don't. Does he think about me too? Does he losing sleep like I’m losing sleep because of him? Does he notice me? Does he know that i come there just to see him? Does it obvious that i like him? Does he likes me? Why in the world he does that when i was there? And on, and on…
Few days ago, I know why he didn’t make move on me. I was googling him out of boredom and I see pictures of his new girlfriend. I said new, because in comment his friends asked the same thing as I am. Who is she, and where he knows her and stuffs like that. But..
If he didn’t make move because of his girlfriend, why he’s been asking around?
Why he did all those things he does?
What he expected me to do when he does that?
Say something? Or he just wanted to see me like I wanted to see him?
I think I will never have the answers to those questions. Maybe we both just missed the feelings of falling in love and too scared to try. Maybe we both missed each other timing. Maybe he doesn’t like me at all and all those things just coincidence.
Who knows, rite?
