Looking back, my early twenties year was hard.
I had depression and insomnia so bad that I have to take a semester off. My mom spread the news that I was crazy and emotionally unstable and basically told everyone in the family to not talking to me, and more importantly, she tried to ruin every relationship I have. She will call all my friends that she knows and tell them that I am this crazy bitch that was spreading lies about my mom and run away from home. As if I was the one who cuts all the family ties. Oh yeah, my mom also turned one of my friend to be my stalker and my boarding house caretakers to spy on me. Give her daily report about whether I stay in my room or not.
I think that was the worst time ever.
my mom is malignant narcissist.
if you don't know what it is, try to google it.
But when I look back, I also remember how happy I was. I love myself so much that I became the best version of myself, and with my friends beside me it feels like I never stop feeling those happy buzz. I was never alone, I was busy doing things I love. Like campus activities, join campus organization, making friends and having fun with my friends. When I want or need to be alone, I will lock myself up in my room and my friends will understand.
I had the time of my life, it was the best.
I never thought it is possible, living life like Taylor Swift lyrics “life is never worse but never better,” but in fact, it’s really is possible. I came to think that it’s the perks of being in your twenties. At some point, you’re going to feel your world ended or you ruined your entire future. At the other time, you will feel you’re conquered the world. At some point you will love someone so hard, with all you have, when the other time you will tired of cry yourself to sleep because you give your love to the wrong person. Sometimes you will dating like you have no tomorrow and sometimes you just want to locked yourself in your room.
I think that’s the twenties about, to live our lives to the fullest.
We were young, we’re fearless. We love like we’ve never been hurt before. We tried to give everyone benefit of the doubt and second chances. We longed the feeling of falling in love like when we’re at school. We pray to meet Mr. Right, every time we walk into new relationship. When we have our heart broken, we cried like it’s the end of our lives. We are trying to give our best into everything we do.
We fall hard, work hard, love hard, play hard and try hard and getting hurt more often than we can remember.
And it’s okay.
You will live. Somehow, you will survive. Someday you will figured out everything and everything starts to fall into places. The most important thing is you don’t quit. You don’t quit trying to figure out yourself. You don’t quit for trying to find your dreams. You don’t quit to pursuing your goals. You don’t quit to find your dream job. You don’t quit to live.
