Do you have friends or an old friend who make you feel that both of you grow apart? How does it feels?
Personally, it makes me sad.
I have this friend, let’s called her A. we’ve known each other since middle school, then we were going to different high schools and when I chose to go out of the city for college, she’s choosing college in the city. I guess that’s when we were really growing apart.
We don’t talk every day. We also don’t talk about every detail of our lives, but every once in a while we will call each other to talk about our lives. In her case, she usually call me when she has problem that she doesn’t know how to solve it. It was okay for me, I don’t mind if she called me and talking about her for hours or when she’s nagging me about her problem. The problem came up when I realized she turn to be the kind of person I hate.
The kind of person who asked me to solve all of her problems.
The kind of person who blame me when she’s doing my advice and everything goes wrong.
The kind of person who doesn’t want to decide anything because she doesn’t want to bear the consequences.
The kind of person who doesn’t want to grow up and doesn’t even trying to.
First time I realized this, I was disappointed.
We used to have same perspective, it’s almost feels like we were looking from the same windows. We used to agree on everything. We used to like the same things. We used to have the same way to do things. We were spend our teenager together. And I thought, we were growing up together, but instead we grow apart and suddenly she feels like another person.
I was trying to understand her situation and think positively. Maybe she’s just going through hard time. Maybe she friended wrong people. So, I helped, and helped and helped until I realized she doesn’t want to be helped, she just need people to telling her what she should be doing with her life and blame them every time when her life seems gone wrong.
It takes long debate with myself before I finally decided to not help her anymore and let her decided herself. When I do that, she were going mad at me. We didn’t talk for months. She didn’t text or call and I was too proud to say sorry.
I didn’t think I’m in the wrong here. She needs to learn how to decide and take responsibility with her life and her choice. She needs to learn how to grow up, and if I have to be the bad guy and being hate by her, let me be. Because she needs to learn how to clean up her mess and picking up her shit. I refused to being used anymore. It doesn’t mean I hate her, or I don’t want to friends with her anymore, I just want her to learn, to be better version of herself.
I don’t understand why her other friends never brought this up to her. Nobody said anything to her and she thinks I just made that up for some reasons because none of her friends says what I said. Apparently, her mom think the same with me. But when her mom tried to talk some sense to her, she thought it’s something to do about her situation, which she has to look for more permanent job or her curfew.
She doesn’t understand anything about growing up, or why does her mom brought it out every time they talk and it seems to me that she doesn’t want to understand.
We cornered some fights after that big fight.
And she seems to decide that she won’t talk about her problem deeply with me if that only make us fighting.
I’m not sure what I feel about that actually.
I don’t hate her, I wanted to help her. Life is hard and her mom is not going to be around forever to help her clean her mess and help her to live her life. I know that I can’t be around often too, because I have my life to take care of. Her brother are already grown up and live their life, but not her.
I want to help her, but she doesn’t want to listen to me.
So, I do what I have to do.
Shove the ugly truth in her face and become the bad guy and watch her in sidelines, because she needs to sort this by herself. If she needs me, she will call and I will come to help.
I hope our friendship not going to fall apart because of this, tho :(
