Honestly, I never thought that a place and group of people I barely know will affect my feelings this much, but yet, here I am. Confused about feelings I’m feeling and why the hell I can feel those feelings, because like I said, I barely know these people. I think, the fact that I almost every day come to that place and have a little chat with them make me or them or maybe us, feel a little close. When there is closeness, it’s almost impossible to not have any feelings.
Somehow, it doesn’t make sense and a little bit overwhelmed, for me.
I admit, I love this place and I like those weird-unique-funny baristas. That’s why I let them crossed the line between barista and customer. I let them asking questions about me, and (sometimes) I even let them know and answer it honestly. I let them to be a little bit friendlier than they should. Sometimes I let them, asking personal questions and I even considered to answer it.
I let them to put my guard down, and I think that’s why I am here now.
I let them.
You know what’s funny? There’s rumors about me, hailed to someone I barely know, barely interact, let alone chat or talk. I don’t know exactly what the rumor is, but one of them who are close enough to me, gave me some codes about it. Maybe she just wanted to test me, to see how I’m react, or maybe she wanted to tell me. She’s the one who told me why they have different behavior towards me when nobody answered my questions. So yeah, when she’s started talking nonsense or joking about something, I listened and pay attention to her.
When I realized what is happening, I was crushed.
He’s evil. Cruel. For spreading rumors like that about me.
It wasn’t me who acting all friendly and close all of sudden.
It wasn’t me who are asking a bunch of questions, every time I came.
It wasn’t me who blurred those tiny line between us.
It wasn’t me who acting close and do all of those things.
They were the one who did it. They were! Not me.
It’s going to be okay for me if the one who spreading rumor are one of those guys who actually close to me, because then they will have some basic, some ground to say that. I might be crossed the line once or twice with some people, but not to all of them. I asked to borrow a personal phone charger once. I asked for free drinks couple of time. I entrusted my stuffs with them often. I mean, if there’s saying about me, about those things I do, I can understand. This time, it’s purely ungrounded rumors.
I am angry.
Honestly, when my crush was ignoring me for all the time I was there, I get hurt. He might be not talking much, not always give me his charming smile, so often, he was just staring at me without saying a word, but he’s never, never ignoring me like that. That’s when I realized there’s something is going on. I just think they were busy or forget to place my drink or maybe having a bad day when some of them act like they don’t see me or ignored me. I mean, we’re not friends, they don’t have any obligation to always friendly and smile to me. Yes, they being paid for being nice to customer, but not friendly like they used to, to me.
I didn’t think much about those tiny details until my crush completely ignored me like that. At first, I think there is something to do with my behavior towards him, but I realized that all guys there treat me like that. Ignored, no smiles, no more questions, no more friendly chat, they treat me worse than they treat annoying customers. I didn’t think much when others do that, but I get hurt when he does that.
I tried to ask my barista, she won’t say anything. Then after couple days, her friend told me that’s been some changing in their management and their behavior is nothing personal. I believe her. I realized she knows nothing when few days ago, I come there with bad mood, and when she asked me what happened, this guy, who are spreading this nonsense rumors, told her not to.
Next thing I know, she was starting talking nonsense, giving me codes. When I figured it out, I was crushed, then I’m angry.
He’s nobody!
I barely talk to him. I barely chat with him. I barely ask anything from him. How could he does that to me??!! If he doesn’t like me, he doesn’t need to spread silly rumor and told his friends to stay away from me or ignoring me. Why would he do that? Why would I care about it? Since when I have some relationship with these people? Why their act bothered me so much? Why I have this feeling or any feelings towards them? Since when everything become this complicated?
I am angry.
I feel hurt.
Then suddenly sad come rushing.
I know that we are not friends. that there's some line between us. I am their customer. at the same time, I also feels like we are close enough to be friends even though I barely know anything about them. it feels like I was just realized that I already swimming in the pool with some dolphins when I thought I was just getting along and feeds the dolphins :(
