Nothing is wrong with want to be skinny, or skinnier, or fitter.
Nothing is wrong with want to have weight loss, massive or not.
But here is what I thought…
Being skinny doesn’t guarantee you to be happy all of sudden. It doesn’t mean you will get boyfriend right away and your life become this beautiful drama you’re always dream about. Being skinny doesn’t mean people will turned their head and notice you when you walk into the room. Being skinny doesn’t always mean you will get healthier. It doesn’t mean you suddenly get these beautiful friends and hangout with beautiful people. It can only happen in drama. You lose wieght, become skinny, and suddenly your whole world changed.
I think it doesn’t have to do with physical appearance, although it play its part just enough.
This year, I watched my sister were trying so hard to become skinny. Noted, that she wanted to be skinny and to lose weight, not to be healthy or change of lifestyle. A little introduction to my sister, she does have some confidence issue. Not only with her appearance, but almost with everything she has.
Every time we’re going out, she has to try (almost) every clothes she has in a closet first before she decide what she will wear. She will put on a clothes and look in the mirror and take it off in a split second because of her confidence. Because she doesn’t like what she sees in the mirror. I asked her once about this, and her answer was like all the girls in the world out there, “I feel ugly and fat and I don’t have any clothes that suit me.”
For the record, she is not ugly and fat.
Yes, she might be doesn’t have super model’s body and a little bit curvy, but I’m a lot fatter than her and she is not ugly! She looks sweets and cute, with her curvy hair, her flawless skin, and she has sweet attitude too. She is my sweetest sisters.
After she said that, I took her shopping and teach her how to pick clothes that suit her. I teach her the art of shopping and my way to have the best kind of clothes in every stores (trust me, each stores has its tricks). I teach her how to pick shoes and mix matching from head to toe. I taught her and told her everything I know about fashion, based on my experience, and if it can works so well with my other sister and my friends, it’s not going well for my sister.
She hated shopping and she didn’t listen everything I said. She didn’t believe my judgement or my comment when I say, “it looks good on you” but she quickly believe me when I say, “that model doesn’t suit you. Take it off.” She will take it off in a second.
So, when I heard about she wanted to be a gym member, and saw her tried so hard to be skinny, I didn’t say anything. I knew it would work, and I hope it can change my sister self-esteem and boost her confidence level. Who knows, maybe she is right, maybe everything has to do with her body. Maybe, when her body change, she will change to become more confident. Maybe I was wrong. So yeah, I keep my mouth shut and hold back my comments.
She did everything in the gym and hire personal trainer for months. She did any kind of diet and peanuts become her favorite snacks now. She didn’t eat junk foods or rice or any carb for that matter. She will eat veggies and fruits and peanut. A lot of peanuts.
And it works.
Her body starts to change. She’s being skinnier and her waist start to showing. She lost about 20 kilos in her first four months with personal trainer. Her size move up to medium size from large. Many of her clothes are now not fit anymore because she’s being skinny, they look too oversized. I know that my sister is pretty, but with her lost her chubby cheeks, she looks a lot prettier. I told her about this, and her reaction kind of surprise me. She said, “I’m not pretty yet, I’m still fat.”
I was shock.
For me, her body changing a lot and she looks perfectly fine. My alarm is ringing louder this time, but now, with my relationship isn’t that good with my sister, I can’t say anything. Anything I say, can ruin what’s left of our relationship, and I don’t want that. Yet, not saying anything doesn’t feel right either. I can feel the guilt start to creeping in slowly in my body. After few days, finally I said, “just.. be careful, okay? You’re not fat, don’t cross that line.”
As usual, she doesn’t listen to me, nor reply, but at least I said it.
Then, it’s all started..
When it’s in five or six months join gym member, my sister is changing. She feels guilty after eat something good or when it a little bit too much because it was soo good. She will be at the gym at following day, start early in the morning. When her weight changed, even when it’s not even 1 kilos, she will do diet at the next day and doesn’t eat anything except veggies and fruits. She looks in the mirror a lot and still saying “I’m fat,” a lot.
Her smooth hair become dry and hard. When I tried to point it out, she said it must be because of the sun, the pollution out there. Her glowing skin isn’t glowing anymore. It’s sad and dry and uugh.. I hate it. Again, she said it because she doesn’t have time to apply any lotion or whatsoever. She started to buy a lot of products because of these things. Hair products, skin care products, tonics, serum, for her face too. I… I keep my mouth shut. I tried so hard not to say anything.
Like I said, our relationship isn’t at good place right now, and anything I said can threw relationship away. So, I keep it for myself.
But I don't think I was wrong.
When you’re going after physical appearance, there is no ending to it. There is always someone prettier, skinnier, hotter and younger. Being skinny doesn’t mean you’re going to be healthy all of sudden. It doesn’t mean you will have a lot of confidence too. Confidence and skinny are two very different things and there are not a lot of people have both. But they are not correlated in any way.
Become more confident and become skinnier is two different things that has two different path ways. They have their similarity though, if you want them, you have to work your ass for them. but you can't just changing your body and hoping that everything is going to be alright because new body you have. It’s not the way it works.
If you want major changing in your life, before you change the way you look, before you chage anything abut yourself, you have to change the way you look at yourself.
Believe in yourself a little bit.
Try to feel good about yourself first, before you decide to change anything.
When you look into the mirror, try to say that “I look good,” instead of “I look fat.”
Try to say that few times and feel it.
Oh yeah, don’t forget to smile too.
You don’t know who will fall for your smile today ;)
