The Barista(s)

In the process of me, trying to get my crush attention, I got closer with all baristas who works there. I even get a little bit hurt when they were trying to maintain some space because of their new management’s policy. You know what more surprising? When I was trying to get my feelings together by not coming there for a few days, it’s not even a week, by the way, then I showed up few days later and one of barista were trying to give me codes that their attitude doesn’t have something personal against me. She were trying to say that, that they have to do all of that because of their new boss and new regulation and I still can come there every day, as many as I want.

How sweet of them, right?

When I finally realized what they were trying to say, which I need days to figure it out, I feel moved, a little bit touched. They don’t have to do that, but they do that anyway. Whatever the reason why they do that, it means they care enough to considering my feelings, and I appreciate that. Thankful even.

I told my friend once, during times I didn’t come there, if I go there and they asked why I haven’t been around, would it be a little exaggerate if I said I’m a little bit hurt? My friend laughed and said, “Off course! I mean, who are you? They are not your friends, rite? I know you feel something towards them, you always do, but how about them? Maybe they only think of you as one of regulars.”

At that time, I think she’s right.

I mean, who am I?

Maybe it’s just me who feels all those feelings. Maybe it wasn’t real.

Imagine my surprise, when few days later, I went there and they said that.

Honestly, I feel happy. I always be the one who get attached too soon, feeling too much, care too much, I know that I have to contain myself, but most part of me don’t want to change that. That part of me who makes me who I am, I can’t not care. I can’t not feel anything when some stranger being nice to me. I can’t not feel grateful when there’s somebody I barely know, doing nice thing to me. That attitude maybe make me hurt too often, but they also bring honest-happy-surprise to me often. Like this thing with those baristas.

And when I have to say goodbye, it is hard for me not to feel a little bit sad.

Isn’t it weird?

They are not my friends, I barely know them, and yet, I feel close to them.

I don't even know that I can call them my friends, can I?

I have to move to another place, and as I said goodbye to the place, I also said goodbye to those people. To my surprise, I feel a lot of sad. This place was…. I don’t know how to describe it. There’s some rumors about me, there’s some people who doesn’t like me, there’s some people who I feel close to, there’s some people I don’t feel close to, there’s some people I feel awkward to, there’s some people I don’t like and there’s some people who I really like. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable here, sometimes I feel so comfortable and safe that I can close my eyes for some time.

I think, this place is becoming more meaningful than my safe place, or my me-alone-time place, or my crying place after I got my heart broken. Oddly, it feels more homey than my home. I found some new friends I never thought I will have in this coffee shop. This coffee shop help me to sort my thoughts and my feelings. This coffee shop has offered me some peace, help me to find myself, and figured out my next move. When I come to say goodbye, I almost cry because it feels sad. to my surprise, they feeling it too and suddenly I also feel blessed.

So, here it is.. my final goodbye.

I hope we can meet again in other time :')