Few days ago, my friend told me that she’s engaged with her longtime boyfriend, and getting married this year. As a best friend, of course I was freaking out and getting excited. After talking about details, she said something that made me think, “I’m scared, Riz.”
She said she scared about losing herself and become somebody’s wife or somebody’s mom, even though it will happen with somebody she loves with all her heart. Somehow, I can relate to that. with my experience these last few years, facing all my issues, fight all my demons and tried to move forward, I have come to realized one thing: growing up is a lot scarier than I thought it would be.
I know that life is hard, that we have to try our best, that we can’t expect the world to give us everything we want in silver platter, but no one was telling me that growing up and living a life, also can be scary as hell. At some point, it feels like we don’t know anything about the path we take, about decision we make, and it scares the hell out of me.
I don’t know what will happen. I don’t know if my decision is right or wrong. I don’t know how it will become, sometimes I can’t even predict what it consequences will be, and most of the time I feel like I can’t see anything or predict anything about the steps I made. Sometimes it feels like I walk in the forest, blindly.
But I also know that this is part of life.
Life doesn’t come with a manual book. Society have this ideal mindset about life, about age and what it looks like when we enter some stages in life. They have some milestone and picture about what certain age should accomplish. I am not saying that they are wrong, but I think life and growing up are more than that. You can’t compare each other’s life or each other’s path nor success. Everyone have their own problems, their own struggles, their own demons, and their own goal.
We all are human who just trying to living a life we know nothing about, and it is scary.
No matter how detailed you plan your life, anything can go wrong at some point.
No matter how rich you are, you can lose everything in a minute.
No matter how smart you are, it is almost impossible to count or predict everything in life.
No matter how hard you tried, sometimes life still can kick you in the ass.
There is no guarantee in life, and I think that’s what makes growing up so scary, but also exciting.
Anything can happen in life.
Anything.
Good and bad.
So yeah, growing up and living life is scary. You don’t know if it will work out or not. You don’t know if you are making mistake or take another step into the next stage, because deep down we all realize that anything can happen. Every decision you make, every step you take, it will scares you as hell. But isn’t that also excite you? The thought that anything can happen also means that things can go so well, and you can get everything you want.
After all, what is life without taking risk? Without some things to be scared of? What is life without some failure and mistakes or some brokenhearted? Without something to excites you and unexpected surprises? So, I think the most important questions you have to ask yourself is not ‘are you sure?’ but ‘how bad you want it?’
Life is scary and it probably always will be. It probably never stop become scary, and I am sure that at some point in life, we don’t even sure which path to take or what we will do or maybe what we want, in life. So, instead of waiting yourself to be sure, it might be best if you know that you go after what you want. Because if something will go wrong, which most of the time it will be, at least you tried to get what you want.
We talked a lot that night, my friend and I. If there is anything I learned in my adult life, that’s life always scary. That everything can be scary, either move forward or stay in the same place or even when you go backwards. So, I told her something I learned from life, and asked her one thing, “do you want to get married to him? Because if you want it, might as well go for it, because everything in life is scary and it’s not going to be easier by the time goes by. So, if you want it, just go for it.”
