This first moth of 2018 is.. tough.
Mostly because my feelings was a mess after heart break, but it’s also with my other issues and my situation. I decided to look for new job, and it is tough. Oddly, I think I never tried this hard to get a job before. I don’t know what actually make it different, but this time I feel like I really know what I want and I will do anything in my power to get it.
It’s only a month, and I don’t know how things will turn out, but I hope everything will be fine. I will be getting a job I wanted and everything is okay and I will meet some new guy. Please people, can I get an amen for that? lol.
As for heart broken, I got my eleventh heartbroken at 29 December 2017. Exactly few days before New Years Eve and I spent New Year eve crying out loud in my room. I spent my early new year, trying to feel everything and let tears pour my heart and my feelings out. This time, my heartbroken involved other people, so I have been trying to think about his feelings and trying to solve any misunderstanding between us. I can’t tell you how the ending is, because I am still not sure about that too. I haven’t meet him since last time we talked.
Like other brokenhearted, it involves a lot of crying, eating, ice creams, and binge watching tv serials, but somehow, it feels a little bit different. I am not sure I completely understand what’s been going on between us or what happened, but I know one thing, we both hurt this time. I don’t know how or why, but I know that whatever happened, it hurt both of us. So, I really take my time to heal this time, because the thought that I did something and it hurt him, is hurting me so much. Our feelings are delicate and this thing is delicate and somehow, in the middle of it, we get hurt.
I did apologized to him, but still I don’t know how it will end.
One thing though, after all binge eating and binge watching and all of those junk foods for broken hearts, it was making me gain weight again and there it goes my new body after months in gym. The most frustrating thing is not even about the weight, it’s about me letting all junk foods ruin my body and my hard work. Aarrghh, just because one guy! One guy and a year hard work goes without saying!
How I hate myself so much right now!
