aside from all those talking, i had great time spending time alone with god, at god's home.
i was googling about what to expect and prepared before we go. and almost every sites i read, talking about pure your motives, they are talking about how your intention must be because of god. you have to be sure, that you go there, because you want to worship HIM, not because you want to take pictures or go in vacations or you hope for better life when you come back. in god's home, your intention is what's count.
they say, your intention will make you feel connection with god.
here's some story about how I didn't want to go at first, when my dad wanted to take me there. first, it means that i have to spend so much time with my family. second, i am not sure I'm ready to go to god's home and face him. i am a sinner. my whole life is about making sins after sins. i don't even like my mom and i fight a lot with my parents. many people will call me ungrateful kids and stuffs, even i know it's wrong. i wasn't sure I'm ready.
then, everything was settled, and my dad said that we have to go, all of us. everything already paid anyway. So, i prepared. i was googling what's to prepared, and.. i got into a long talk with myself, to make sure that i will go with right intention.
the most awesome thing?
i was surprised when i realized that i have nothing to ask anymore. all the way there, i can't stop crying, my thoughts are running wild, and i already listed all of my problems. it continues until we arrived. i spent so much time in mosque, recite, crying, pray, shalat, crying, and talk with god endlessly. i asked for everything i could remember. sometimes, it feels like my heart ask, "you only telling me your story riz.. you can ask everything to god. everything. so, what do you want? tell me, what you want."
between those talking every time i was at the hotel, walking around alone, and every time i eat, i feel the most calm and safest at the mosque. i was talking, asking, and suddenly i realized i have been asking for the same thing, over and over again. all my friends ask me to pray for them, so i did. i told god about them, to look out for them and give them the best that they deserve. and about me? there is so many thing i want, but the most? psstt... it's a secret. lol.
i spent my last night there with walking around rooftop, took some pictures, and sit down, looking at ka'bah. i want to recite and pray at first, but all the thoughts are gone, when i sat there and looked at ka'bah. it felt so calm, and peaceful, and all of my problems? like dissapear instantly, PUFF!
i don't know about anybody else, or what they mean about the connection, or if what i felt can be called by connection itself, but it feels like i had one. connection with god.
the other awesome thing?
there was a time, when i couldn't feel anything except a lot of love and grateful to god, for everything that he has been giving me. all of it. yeah, my life is a mess, but i also have everything i need. so, i cried all night feeling thankful that god loves me so much.
yeah, i do cry a lot in daily life too, ahahaa.
anyway, it was awesome experience for me. i was a little disturbed and unfocused because all the talking and stuffs, but i believe that there's always something to learn behind everything that happened to us. always. i don't know about you, but i do believe that.
