that's what we, muslim, say when we are going to do something. we believe that there are nothing greater than our creator, god, or in my religion we called it Allah SWT. it's our believes that everything in life is temporary and there is nothing that we can control. that's mainly the reasons why we say bismillahirrahmanirrahim every time we are going to do something. it means; in the name of Allah, most gracious, most merciful.
this year, i have been trying to make my dreams happen, or chasing dreams as you can say. one of the reasons i haven't have the time to sort my thought and write. so many things i have to learn, so many things i have to do, and in the midst of all that, i haven't have the time to sort my thoughts and write.
let's see...
i am busy to spend time with my family, especially my parents. every spare time, every weekend, i spend with them. lately, this topic always make me choked up and tear up. there are a lot of things to talk about, feelings to sort out, emotion that has to unleash, and... it takes a lot of energy, a lot of time, a lot of work, but it's all worth it.
don't get me wrong, my parents still make me cursed and yell at the same time, but... they are the ones i wanna come home to. at the end of any day, now. finally, after all this year, i get to feel that feelings, that emotions, that connection i have been searching for. almost every night I'm lying around in my mom's bed, telling her about my day, talking about everything and nothing.
we are so busy growing up, sometimes we forget that our parents are growing old. after what happened between me and my mom, and my family, i just hope that our efforts won't count for nothing. we made mistakes, we try to fix it. that's it.
another drama in my life, comes from my environment.
there are a lot of dramas and arguments about the relationship I have with my barista, between me and my friends. still remember my crush and those barista? yup, even though i haven't going there since new year, but the drama still alive and kicking, ahahhaaa.
everything started when somebody, i still don't know who, pranked me and my crush and some people got dragged. i was being clueless and i was in bad shape at that time, so i haven't think this through. after some time has passed, i cleared up misunderstanding with all the parties involved, and that's when drama got heated.
my crushed, he got this big bad reputation and getting a lot of attention. while we had our share, but the story never got out, until now. and, his girlfriend, who already dislikes me for some reasons from the first time, and her friends, and some barista who dislikes me.... you see where I'm going with this, aren't you?
everything is getting so mixed up, and people talking as always, and problem raised when there are people that i know, that doesn't know me so well, but used to see me often, curios about me and looked about me, online. from there, it was like snow ball. the snowball is getting bigger and bigger every time i put something online. don't bother to make it private or anything, with the power of barista's mouth, it doesn't take the whole day, for everything to spread.
they are really chatty and loves talking about people and they are curious about me, and it's kinda inevitable.
my parents, my friends, who warned me about this situation from the very beginning, and my boyfriend, really doesn't like this situation and asked me to cut it off. it took a while for me, to decide, to think about it. because when i looked back, i don't know how i got tangled into this situation at the first place. i guess, i still haven't think and process the whole situation properly.
anndd, here's come my favorite drama; my boyfriend.
he is... i am..... aah, cut it. the best kind of relationship is the kind that you don't have to show off nor post about it :*
here is another drama; some barista thinks that i made up my boyfriend because i was so broken hearted because of my crush having a girlfriend. my boyfriend hates the fact that i have relationship with some baristas. he hates that they are talking a lot about me, not to mention true or false sometimes get mixed up. i hate the situation where i have to think like, thousand times before i walked in to the coffee shop.
where is the problems, you said?
it all happened like, million years ago. i had a crush for this barista, and then we moved on. and all these people, seems like mix the past and the now nor can't let go, Idk.
so yeah, i say a lot of bismillahirrahmanirrahim this year. it's my good luck charm. it's my mantra.
