lately my life become boring and in peace.
I used this covid time to heal. at one point, it feels like my life become boring and dull. there are no stories to tell, no drama, no new interesting experienced, nothing. but at the other side, my life started to feel like... a mundane boring life. i have my morning routine, my work routine, and my night routine too, and somehow... it feels okay. like, I'm living my life. the best of it.
this thing, these.. feelings, are new to me. my past life was chaos. with my mom gaslighting me all the time, manipulate the situation, the relationship, and my dad used to beat me, and then they were lying to me... I say, it wasn't the best of time. so, this time, with this peaceful feeling, seems.. worried. I am worried, this not gonna last forever. of course not, what is? nothing stays forever. but this feeling is new, and I wanted to savor it. wanted to embrace it and holding it tightly.
because of covid, I stuck with myself a lot. that's why I said I have been healing. myself is the most person I talked to. and the thing with having dialogue with myself, I can be honest. full honesty, genuine reaction and sincere words. I don't need to think about others feelings, others reactions, no need to be considerate, or worry of misunderstanding. it just me, myself, and I. and the most important thing, I can talk about anything and everything. every scar. every fear. all ups and down, I can talked about it without afraid of getting judge.
I cried. I laughed. with myself this year.
this year, i become my bestfriend.
I think.. this is a good sign. feel boring also means that your life is stable, isn't it? feeling boring means no unnecessary drama. feeling boring means your emotions are neutral, happy, I hope. I am though, happy. so, I guess a little boringness is good. how do you think?
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